Old Lady

The old lady tossed me out on my ass
No more living large or spending cash
On the down and out and on the mend
I've only got one more message to send

Gotta tell you how I feel
Tell you the things I know are real
You kill me with a look
And you know how to kill
No shame, just the thrill

Bitch

There's a woman
The fucking bitch ruins me with a look
All she needs to do
Is to put the lead in my head
I'm waiting for her to kill me
To put me out of my misery

One day I will be eased
The great divide will be ceased
She will rip off my face
And dissect the mind she can't understand

Race Is Equal

Niggers hiding in the shadows
With their blank white smiles
Selling their fun in little plastic packages

Spics riding in their cars
With their bandanas by color
Shooting the man across the fucking street

Honkeys sitting on their porch
With their tiny pricks
Fucking their cousins and destroying humanity

Living For Today

Skip to my lou
Do what I do
Left in the loo
Morning dew
Forgotten again
My last friend
Bring it back
I am sad

Thin the lines of the herds of the people
As they gather for mass production
Living their lives in constant abduction
Shoot them where they stand

Fumble the ball
Hear the call
Drip drip drip
Off your fingertip
Bring it
Just bring it
Back home
All alone

Kill the masses with their false predictions
Another false prophet to bear false witness
Killing kindness with bare agression
Living for today

Slip Into The Membrane

The virgin fuck needs to be perverted
The pious prayer needs to be reverted
The angsty teen is probably retarded
When will the hare win?

Jesus spoke to the Pharisees
Moses spoke to the Jews
Gollum spoke to the Baggins'
Like I will speak to you

Fuck the hole that's in your heart
With the solid prick of midnight dark
Listen to the shouting farce
And drop the acid 'til it sparks

The French will win another day
When we will all beg to say
One more word, we pray and pray
It's all in vain, in your vein

Fuck the virgin mother birth
And lock away your afterbirth
For years and years the cells stay ripe
Show the offspring on your Skype

Kill the demon, but slay the god
Slice the punk and stab the mod
Tear the blotter and break the tube
We'll shoot up just me and you

Once upon a time they were good
When no one went without food
I tell them again and again
I tell my enemy,
I tell my friend

Sing Me A Song

Sing me a song, girl
Write me a note
I'm gonna be the one you wrote
Let me be with you
Lay with me
I'm gonna make you happy

We'll live forever under the sun
Over the ground and in the woods
No one will find us, we'll run away
To a place we want to stay

So sing me a song, girl
Write me a note
Let's find out if this log floats
Jump in my arms
I'll always love you
We'll be married sometime soon

We'll never die as long as we
Have some lovely memories
No one will find us, we'll run away
And I'll never leave you astray

Lilith

There will be a girl, they say
One that takes your breath away
She'll fix all that is wrong
And inspire you to write a song

Everything will be perfect
No one could warn you
Of the impending doom
What she'll put you through...

Will be more terrible than anything you've ever faced in your life
Anyone could tell you your back would be stabbed with a knife
But you won't listen because she is deep inside your mind
There's nothing they can do... nothing they can say... to change your...

One day I'll be hanging from a rafter
Then they'll know that I was alone too long
The booze and the pills, they took your place
But they could never ever inspire song

Not like a woman does
The sweet smell of estrogen can make a man do crazy things
But I... I will never feel that...
I... I will never have that love again.

There will be nobody to fuck me over
There will be nobody to make love
There will be nobody to steer me wrong
There will be nobody... I'll be alone.

Leave A Message

Should I give it another try?
Should I fall in love or die?
Should I shoot for the stars?
Should I break through the bars?

I have so many questions
I need answers to
I have so many questions
I need answers too

Will I go to another place?
Will I live after my life?
Will I cast the first stone?
Will I break another bone?

I have the questions
That have no answers
Just call me crazy
And leave a message at the beep

Psycho

The blank white walls
The blank white walls
The padded walls
The padded walls
Come save me, Lord
Come save my, Lord
Don't break my heart
Another time

The book writes itself
The motives inate
The need to create
The failure to anticipate

The bars on the door
The bars on the door
The holes in the wall
The holes in the wall
Come save me, Lord
Come save me, Lord
Just set me free
Another time

Just writing some stuff...

I've laid here and dreamt of you
For far too long
I've given up too much
And come too far
One day I'll have the courage
But not today
No not today

Today is just another day
Hiding my feelings and waiting it out
Today is just another day
Getting ready to shout it out
I love you, I love you, I love you
Not today
But maybe tomorrow

Grant Me One Wish, God

Morphine soaks the bedsheets
The bottle is broken
And the syringe is laying on the floor

I need a way to escape the escape
I need a way to relive the dead
I need a way to comprehend the imaginary
Help me do the impossible

Grant me one wish, God
Grant me the serenity to change what I can't
Grant me the freedom to choose my own will
Grant me a cure from the opiate haven
I have torn it out of my own being

I have ills, I have ailments
I need your help, Oh God
Thou shalt save me from my one true nemesis
Myself...

No help is coming?

No God?

No God?

Why have you forsaken me?

Drown it out

I sit here and drown it out
Drown the voices, drown them out
They need to leave, I need them gone
Just put my favorite music on

Sip this bottle, it will ease the pain
The greatest lie ever told
It increases, the pain, tenfold
I can't stop it, I won't stop it

A New Life

It's the end of the day
And we all smile because we got paid
We frown because it's not enough
But we still go on from here

We're just living life through thick and thin
Making ends meet and trying to begin
A new life without you

Stay... or Leave...

Everyone's telling me I need to get over you
Everyone's telling me I can do better without you

But what they don't know
Is that I loved you
More than anyone ever could
And I just can't let that go

So when the mountains crumble
And the rain is blood
The rivers will overflow with love
Because I'll be by your side
Day and night
Every time you need me

I'll be there

So leave me alone right this second
Because when you're gone I'll be hurt more
Than you can hurt me now

So a good punishment could be
To never ever ever speak
To me again

You'll regret it, my friend

But it's what needs to be done
Just please go and run
I will never forgive myself

For chasing you away

Punk Rock's Not Dead

"But the suburban scumbags, they don't care
Just get fat and dye their hair!"
- Fear "I Love Livin' in the City"

I got nothing
No thoughts in my head
I want something
To tell me punks not dead
The Exploited
Let me know, but do I believe
A few old fuckers
Who abandoned the scene?
What good is to live
To this music that we all love?
What good does it do
To hate and only have a few
Friends to call on
In shitty times
I got nothing
No reasons no rhymes
I got a gun in my hand
But I'm too afraid to pull the trigger
I got one more thing to say
Before you run along with her
I need to get this off my chest
I need to reaffirm that punks not dead
That I'm not dead
I need a reaffirmation of faith
To keep me sane
To keep me going forward.
Punks not dead
How can it be dead when I live it?
How can DIY be DOA if the FBI is the CIA?
That doesn't make sense
But it doesn't have to
This is punk rock for the masses
Don't listen to me,
I just got tattoos.

Smile

I want to smile
But I keep thinking
Of the times that I had
The world in my hand
The times I needed
To keep me sane
To keep me off the pills
But those times are gone
All I've got is
Empty smiles and
Empty pockets
No more love for this boy
No more hate left to spew
No more vomit,
No more love,
No more murder,
No more words.

Atheism

Strike them down,
If you're out there.
Fire and brimstone
Is all I ask.
Won't someone answer my call?
Won't you be there for me?

Kill them all,
If you're out there.
Wailing and gnashing of teeth
Is all I ask.
Won't someone answer my call?
Won't you be there for me?

Happy Memorial Day, Walt Disney

The last time Mickey Mouse had sex he contracted AIDS...
He went home to Minnie, he had to explain...
She sat down at the table, with a glass in her hand...
Asked him, "What?" He told her to understand,
"I fucked a man, he came in me, I tried it once, but it came to be,
I have a virus inside me, a virus I say, it's here to stay, and it won't go away."

Minnie Mouse stared at Mickey...
She threw the glass at his head and lifted her skirt...
Pulled out her gun from inside her cunt and said, "This will hurt."
The little bitch shot that two-timing fuck in the head.

Scritch Scratch

Everything is dreary, my dear
Nothing is very good.
The food here sucks
And I'm always misunderstood.
I guess that's how it's going to be
I like her and she hates me
One needs it out of necessity
The human tragedy.

So come on, my doll
Just give me it all
I'll never take your word
For things this way are absurd
With a wacky tacky diplomat
You ran off and nearly scored some crack
And I wish,
how I wish I was there.

Bring me a pint, you old fucking crone
You'll drop to your knees
You'll beg and you'll moan
'Til I slap you in two
And I'll tell you what to do

Just get out, get out
And never come back
Or I'll slap and I'll slap
And I'll bite and I'll scratch

Just give me the stuff.
Get out of my way.
You're holding me back.
Stifling what I say.

Go go and be gone.
Go go and be gone.

Open Book

My life is an open book.
Ask me a question, you get the honest answer.
Tell me a lie, I will call you on it.
Every word I say is the truth,
I hide nothing.

Appreciate what I do for you,
Mr. John Q Public.
I tell you my history,
I tell you my life,
I tell you my love,
And I tell you my strife.

Every time I'm doubted,
It's another knife in the heart.
I can't take this kind of pain,
I'm going to need a new start.

Maybe I'll be a pilot,
A policeman, a firefighter.
Maybe I'll drive a bus,
Help people, or sing a ballad.

None of these are true...
I know what I am,
As do you.
I'm a drug addict, a poet...
I'm destined to live alone with only one consolation
A drink to drink and a cigarette to smoke.

Good news...

Every day I wait for good news.
Good news never comes to me in life.
So what I've learned is that one day I'm going to die.
When I die, maybe then there will be good news.

The Old Woman - A short story by Collin Jones (advice is appreciated)

The smell of fresh cut grass permeated the old Victorian farmhouse. The kitchen especially, with it's open windows, hardwood floors, and the screen door to the mud room. It was a mundane room, but a cozy room, one most noted for the scent of fresh bread being baked during the winter. But alas, it was mid-summer and the only odor was of the freshly mowed lawn. The owner of the house, an old woman, perhaps an octogenarian, sat in front of the window for hours listening to the birds chirp and the wind blow through the leaves of the old oak trees surrounding her property. Once in a while she would comment on the state of the house or the neighborhood, muttering almost silently to herself.

She was known once in the community for being a sprightly young dancer but had given up such things for a simple life at home. She married her since deceased husband, raised three boys, all who moved out years ago and had resolved to sit in her kitchen she loved so much until they came home. Summers and winters would pass with no sign of her boys, but her steely resolve never wandered. She would wait.

That's what she did, for twenty years she sat, the only company being her nurse who would come around once a day to give her medication and make sure she was still alive. The nurse, Jacqueline was her name, would indulge the woman in conversation most days, but it was too superficial. Jacqueline would comment on the weather and maybe tell the woman about happenings in the middle east or the west coast depending on the state of the world at the time. The old woman looked forward to the visits, but it was nothing compared the the joy she would feel when her sons returned to take her away from the house that had become a crypt for her disintegrating body.

The woman yearned for her youth, for the years she spent dancing for princes and dignitaries. She was a performer at heart and she never really forgave herself for giving it up to raise a family. Most likely, the woman wouldn't have done it any other way, she loved her sons more than she loved life. She toyed with the notion of ending her life, perhaps what came next would be preferable to the pain she was enduring now, but she couldn't bring herself to find out. She had plenty of pills, plenty of knives, plenty of electronics to drop in the tub when the nurse wasn't looking... but she couldn't conquer the fear of the unknown long enough to change her current state.

On this current afternoon, however, with the nurse having left for the day to tend to her many other patients, the old woman was toying with the notion once again. Her heart would skip a beat thinking about how much her children would miss her when she was gone. How upset they would be to think that they had neglected their mother and she died thinking that they didn't love her. Of course, she knew they loved her, they were just busy with their lives and their children that she had never met. She knew, but they would never know. So instead of staring at the sloping lawns of her humble property, today she decided she would spite her children by using the only method to kill the pain of being at rock bottom.

She slowly stood up, arthritis was wreaking havoc on her joints so it took her a minute, but she was eventually standing. The old woman then shuffled to her living room where the nurse left her medication. She reached for her pills, knowing that these breaths were among the last she would take on this earth. The woman had become accustomed to taking pills and swallowed them without needing any water at all. They went down and she laid down on the oriental rug to wait for the pills to take effect.

She closed her eyes and immediately saw an ethereal vision. One of magnificent proportions with vivid colors she hadn't seen with her eyes open since her eyes were young and she had the vitality of a woman in her twenties. She watched as she soared free through a surreal expanse of people and places she had seen long before she became an old woman. She regretted spending so long sitting in her chair, so much time wasted longing for her boys. She regretted not seeing more of the world in her old age while she had less responsibilities and more time. She should have caught up with all of her living friends and family. She should have put forth the effort.

Suddenly her vision ended. The old woman was ripped back into reality by a suffocating feeling. Her body was paralyzed as she opened her eyes and for a moment realized she was choking on the contents of her stomach.

There was so much regret. She needed this to stop so she could go see her boys. She wanted to see the grand canyon. She wasn't ready to go. She wants to see her grandchildren but all she could see was the ceiling. All she could feel was the stifling thickness of lungs full of vomit. She twitched for several seconds, eventually breaking her resolve and letting a single tear fall from her right eye. Her body gave a final shudder.

And then there was emptiness.

I Want A Cliche

What if it's you?
The one I've been looking for
The one that I had adored
The one that I knew before
You

What have we become?
The things we said we'd never do
The things I've done to you
The things we've lost all the way
Through

Where did you go?
I lost you so far along the way
I lost you to the things you'd say
I lost you to the words you wrote
To me

Now we long for each other
Drinking for the sufferer
Never letting go of the things we should have done
And forgetting all the good we've done
Just living for the past.

Random Unfiltered Thoughts

I shall take a break from my normal sub-par anti-poetry.
I shall now write a brief summary of my thoughts.
Here goes:

a journey of the imagination is what is lying under my eyelids. i can drop a small amount of liquid on my tongue and be another person inside another world for hours upon hours. i need this to get out of where i am. i need a new look a new place a new speak for those who spake out against the crimson wave of establishment. i have thoughts too deep to turn in to words. i need to create words to express the feelings that are lying under the surface of this man. i have feelings coursing through my nervous system from the top of my head to the tip of my cock. i have feelings. i have hate. i have love. i have despair and poetry. i have nothing left but despair and poetry to fill the voids left from the lack of drugs. i yearn for the drugs that opened up my mind years ago. the drugs have been taken away. i need words. i need drugs. i need necessity. i need a wanton desire for lust to break the wall of love. i am confused by my own mind. where is my mind? where is my brain? two and the same until the split between the frame. love. hate. debate. shame.

Serotonin/Dopamine Pendulum

I need a place to lay my head at night
I need to escape this awful daily dread
The necessary evil that I fight with
Every day should have killed me years ago
But I persevere and drink daily
Drop the needles and pick up the bottles
Drop the powder and pick up the smoke
I feel a yearning to be free from it
But a connection deeper than karma
A connection through the years
Caressing my body and querying my fears
Lines of ancestral blood coursing through
I have all I want, but I still want you
To kiss my hands and fondle my heart
To slit my wrists and to feel smart
The pain is secondary to the happiness
The serotonin-dopamine receptor
Necessary to quell the urges inside
While my brain tries to run and hide
I just need a place to rest
Lay my head down
And let this pass.

Woman.

Never seen
in plain sight
But once again
never had the delight
Of meeting a woman
so cute and bold
One that makes me feel young,
And at the same time old.

Heroin v2.0

The neverending yearning for desire
was lit like an eternal fire
Dripping wax congeals on the floor
Next to my needle and my whore.

I cradle my arm
The blood dripping down
Pooling in my hand.

Cigarette smoke lingers on high
Intertwining with the night sky
The dusky haze that confuses
Day and night rarely loses

But when they do
We all know who's next
The dark figure silently waiting.

This grips me tighter than a vice
The one that kills men and mice
Maybe Steinbeck will be proud
But now I'm left crying loud.