Anthology To My Heart

I scribble my hopes
Aspirations and doubts
In this notebook
It's an open door
To the pain in my soul
The love in my heart
The dread in my mind
I can't help it
It's almost an addiction
The smell of ink on paper
Separates the geniuses
From the bittersweet fools
Like you and me
And though I may
Never be Poe or Thoreau
I can still leave
An anthology to my heart

Creating Love Wherever

Our lips met
But I pretended not to notice
You're disregarded
Though I know you're a blue lotus
You gave birth to the sun
It's the only way
You could capture so much beauty
Without giving any away
Between the smoke
And the alcohol
I felt my hand reach
Try to touch yours
You have so much to teach
That fell on deaf ears, he ignores
Interlocked arms
On the snow-covered roads
Nat King Cole
Mixed with lime and SoCo
It's a brand new day
I've said what I had to say
But if it was any other way
You'd be in my arms today.
My heart lifts up
And my sorrow disappears
The sadness has been building
Behind all these tears
I can't help but to be happy
Whenever you are near.
I could never have any fear
When I'm with you, my dear.

Waking Up Every Morning

Not a day goes by
That I don't
consider leaving
Too narcissistic to
Ever let myself
stop breathing
So it's not
really a threat
I just regret
Waking up
Every morning.

Fake

We had a relationship built on chemicals
We started everything based on being high
I may have loved you, I may have not
But one thing that helped was the drugs.
If I was happy from doing coke
Snorting Valium and smoking dope,
If I was happy from tripping balls
Snorting codeine and Vic and smack,
Then how could I just stop and conform
To a life in hell, a life in uniform?
I got the easiest job I could
To pay the bills and feed you good
The easy path turned me from bad
To worse and I lost all that I had.
Not a day goes by that I don't sit and cry
Not a day goes by that I don't ask myself "Why?"
I would never say our love was fake
But I think you made a huge mistake
You chose this burned out hippie fuck
A stupid move, it was your bad luck
I'm not trying to shift the blame
I know I fucked up, it'll never be the same
And that I think, is a fucking shame
But it was my own fault for not being right
My own fault for losing sight
Of what was important to me in my life
I hurt myself and my beautiful wife.
But I'm just a piece of shit...
...I told you this, but I wouldn't let you quit.

Update 2

Yeah, so I know I only get about 20 - 30 people who read this each day. But my newer stuff is pretty much shite. The better poetry is from last year. I can't seem to put my thought's down as prose anymore. It could be loss of creativity... loss of imagination... loss of muse... but I don't think it is.

I have come to realize that I don't feel like I felt before. I don't dream like I dreamt before. I don't live like I lived before. I have become accustomed to a mundane lifestyle of processed foods and liquor. I have hit the end of my poetry career before it even started. And for this, I am sorry.

I am not sorry to anyone who reads my poetry, though. I am sorry to myself. I have let myself down in one of the few things that I actually enjoy doing anymore.

I can't stand to write like I used to. It has turned from something I used to explain every feeling I ever had to a venting for hate. I don't feel that I should continue writing until I bring something to the table that is not hate-filled and laced with animosity.

I will not update this blog for a while now. I have begun to concentrate on myself, on my inner happiness.

And now... to relax...

It's about me now, Bitch.

My wheels are spinning
While everyone's grinning
Don't care where I am in 10
Don't care where I am in 20
But by tomorrow I want change
Something needs to be
A little different in me
Something needs to happen
So I can not look back again

I'm done checking my rearview
Everything is all about the future
As of now
I can't stop thinking all these
Thoughts that bring me down
But I know
That I can leave you sitting
There and crying there and I don't care
Anymore.

New Friend

I'll try anything once
I'll try anything with you
You were there my whole life
Two thousand miles away
And if you can make a friend
In only two or even one day
Then I've gotta say
You're a friend
In a very special way.

Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss "Whiskey Lullaby"

Joni Mitchell

We are stardust.
We are golden.

Drug of Choice

"What's my drug of choice?
Well, what have you got?"
-"Dirt" Alice in Chains

I use the words of Bob Ritchie
I need to find myself
as he tells me to rewind myself
I need to get a real job
Get some real friends
Cut my hair real short
And try to make amends
I will never regret
I will never look back
I will never die
Heartbreak will keep you down
But you don't need to wear a frown
Just look up and see
You're as small as me
We're just grains of sand
Blown into the sea
And no one will remember
When we are gone
No one will hold our legacy
Or the shit we've done wrong
Let it all go
Let it fall to the floor
Let it spin down the drain
One day we will remain
As the only people left
The ones that gave a damn
And maybe someone will remember
Maybe someone cares
But I doubt they're around
And they'll never be found

Colon Left Parenthesis

Why do I bother?
Why do I try?
I may as well jump
It'd be better to die.

Drunk

I'm drunk and alone
I wish to go home
But the girl on the phone
Tells me I won't be known

No one will see this face
Nobody knows the disgrace
Of what I've done and
Who was there to take a stand

So stand up and be known
Those of us without a home
Living life with disregard
Die by the gun and live by the card

She speaks through the phone again
Doing this won't make you men
But I reply in monotone
Don't leave me alone, but don't take me home

Face the fear that drowns in the face of adversity the unrelenting black mass of hatred in your heart will one day bloom a phoenix from which all hope shall be born.

Friends We Will Be

Lovers are long gone
But friendship will last
Live for the future
Don't dwell in the past
I missed you as a friend
And I thought about you
And the messages I used to send
Made me see that I'm blue
But now I see you hold no
Ill will towards me
And I've got to say so
I'm so fucking happy
We may not be lovers
And that's fine with me
We're not under the covers
But friends we will be.

Who What When Where.

What if
What if the answer
Has been here all along?
What if
What if the answer
Has been right under my nose?

Who could
Who could release me
From my misery and my sorrow?
Who could
Who could release me
From the pain and the anguish?

When will
When will I die
With my hands crossed ready to go?
When will
When will I die
With my neck in a noose, and blood in my boots?

Where do
Where do I go
From here when I hold nothing dear?
Where do
Where do I go
From here, when there is no one I know?

Nothing Less, Nothing More

Calm like the wind before the storm
The ocean in my soul settles
And brings me back to the day before I was born
Never have I known such love and warmth
Omnipotent in it's power to heal and dream
I wish every person in the world felt the same
The same joy of another, another one to hold
Dreams of fortune and health can be too bold
Just be happy with who you are in your soul
The rat race can be won without a gun
And you can stay alive in your nine to five
But it isn't for me, no I'm too lonely
A life of writing would be all I ask for
Nothing less and nothing more.