Tired Of Being Drunk And Pissed Off

Tired
Drunk
Pissed off.

I wish it was different
I wish you knew what I do
I wish you could tell
That I would take a bullet for you

This shit isn't even going to make sense
But I don't really give a shit anymore
All I want is you in my arms
Instead of hiding behind closed doors

Yearning never did me any good
Not only have I lost, but I never won
There's always been a lot of women
But you're the only one.

The only one that actually matters
The only one I don't want to drown
Leaving my heart in rags and tatters
I fell a long way when I fell down

I fell hard and I fell fast
But hypothetical will never last
I just wish my whole life was different
But I'd die if you were never in it

On occasion I think of my own mortality
And in a different situation I might be
Grateful for life, and not waiting for death
But I don't really care if I take another breath

And as you read through this
Don't ever think I would dismiss
My beautiful daughter, she just will never
Know who I am, but I'll love her forever

I'm not being selfish, you're just the only one
The only person I can see, the one who takes my life
Not in a physical way, but more emotional
The devotion sticks in my ribs like a knife.

I know I'm going to die alone.
I've come to accept it.
I'll never be with you.
I just have to accept it.

First, probably the last.

Discretion is paramount to success
And although it may never happen again
I cherish it for what it was
And I will remember it always.

I Am Alone

I am alone.
Lost and cold.
I am alone.
No one here but me.

I am alone.
I have nobody.
I am alone.
Nobody here to love.

Beyla

Everything I want to tell you
Everything you will be put through
This world is crazy, it's pretty insane
With the snow and the ice and constant rain
The clouds bleed blood and birds just die
For no apparent reason, they fall from the sky

Violence erupts from coast to coast
All four corners of this planet three
Presidents boast, celebrities toast
But no one knows the same pain as me

My daughter, you will have trials
With pain and laughter and great denials
And if I can not be there to see you
Then I know someone who will help you through

Through the pain and the debt
Through the sadness and regret
The world is coming to an end
And this is all that I can send

I can only teach you a thing or two
Love all you can, when you're sad be blue
Happiness will come to a girl like you
Every emotion is important, feel them through

Disregard what people say
Go against the status quo
Life's too short for their way
I'm not smart, but this I know

You are perfect in every way
And I miss you every day
But there's one more thing
I need to say

I won't say don't go to bed mad
I won't say not to make others sad
I want you to live for you
Fuck other people, do what you do

If anyone ever tells you "You're wrong"
Give them a hug and sing them a song
Tell them why you do what you do
Your father approves, that's all you can do

Now for the last thing I need to tell you
I love you dearly, I'll never forget you
And if you someday read this in a book
Tell your friends its about you, let 'em have a look

Never

Never wage war against a master.
The student will never surpass.

Sleep

Can I sleep
Without chemicals coursing
Through my veins
And my intentional stupor
Fogging my brain
For days at a time?
Can I finally
Get some rest tonight
So that I can maybe
Feel alright
Without the pain
Of being awake?
I may have committed
A dire mistake
But it will keep me up
No matter if it's early or late.
I think about it
Night and day
I need an escape
From this waking death.
I might never
Get another breath
And if I don't
I will probably choke
On my own vomit
Thanks to the chemical
Coma I've forced myself
Under to a place
Where I can't get off
The drugs.

No Rhyme or Reason

And one more time again
I got home from work
What a long time it's been
Since I felt this lurk
This emotion of mine, I can not hide

I couldn't possibly be
Good enough for you, my love
But you're too good for me
And what I am afraid of
Is losing you and feeling empty inside

Mi Corazon

Por mi amor:

Mi corazon late por ti.
Te necesito cerca de mi.
Deseo que me ames demasiado,
La especial manera de que te amo.

You Make Me Feel (Work in Progress)

You make me feel
Like only drugs have
When I see you smile
When I hear you laugh
I get higher than
Any pill ever can
Make me.

You make me feel
Like only liquor does
When I see you smile
When I hear you laugh
I get more of a buzz than
Any beer ever can
Make me.

What if...

If I could,
Then I would.
But I can't,
And I shan't.
What would happen
If I did?
Although I know
HE would forbid.

Letters

Letters to you
Will never reach
Their destination.
I throw them out
After a brief
moment of hesitation.

Gotta Get Away In My Head

Yo, listen the fuck up
Shut up, gimme a minute
Lemme explain my method
I may be hypothetical
At times, I may be cynical
Not every word I write
Needs to be taken as the literal
Figuratively speaking
I may speak figuratively
Maybe when I write
It's a metaphor
For other situations
going on in my life
I don't need to take your shit
Just because you can't admit
That I can make an analogy
To something that may have happened to me
Ten years ago, or even ten minutes
Honestly, what the fuck is the difference?
It's all in the past
Or it's all in my head
I just hope I get to write
So there's something left
When I'm dead
Most of this I just make up
Because it makes me feel good
To think a new life up
I hate where I am right now
I need an escape, somewhere somehow
This is all I know how to do
But somehow you've made it up to you
To destroy the last thing I can do
To get an escape, to get away from you.

Proof

I don't know
How one person could make another
Feel so at home so far away
And I feel I have so much to say
Just no way to say it
There's no way for you to know
How much I love you
No way for me to show
How far I would go to prove
My love to you is true.

My Head, Your Shoulder

As I lay here
My head resting on you
The soft white skin
Of your shoulder
Rubs against my
Five o'clock shadow
And the smell of your hair
Makes me think
Of a spring night
With the moon high
And the fireflies lit
I could rest forever
With my head on your shoulder

I Cherish Her Every Lasting Second

Driving 100 kilometers to nowhere
Is sometimes the journey to an end
Not a physical end but an emotion
One massive in longing and devotion

It can be easy to break a bond
But difficult to band together
I might live like a sinner but I tried damn hard
To live like a saint and let down my guard

Forgiveness comes easy when you love
But love never forgets your regrets
Never lets go of your debts or silly bets
Love might die but it will always win

Along with sin and debt and taxes
Love will kill you from the inside out
But I hope you will be different
I hope you can make me forget my travesties

Because when I see your eyes shine bright
I see the sunlight that I missed for years
Shining on my guilty face as I hope
That I can find some kind of dope

I need it to kill the demons inside of me
And to stay out of the mental penitentiary
I need it to stay sane while I search
Because I gave up and I'll never go back church

But you can be my savior
My messiah that saves me from my shit
I won't ever look back if you just sit
Sit with me, hold my hand... I won't look back

And my knees will be too weak to stand.
There won't be anywhere for me to run to
Because I'm running to your arms and I can feel
That the love I feel is very real

Nothing platonic, nothing of the sort
I'm changing back to my last resort
I need the drinks to help me cope
When I see your face floating above your coat

Your beautiful eyes remind me of times
That I couldn't see anything but pure beauty
The innocence on those parted lips brings back
Times when I thought I would cry or even die

Too beautiful for your own good
You get into trouble like I knew you would
I would never take my heart back from you
Because I cherish you... and I miss you too.