I doubt it.

"He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger"
-Brad Paisley

I've found myself lost in despair
Forlorn, forgotten, and forgone
Maybe one day the chains will break
And I will be set free
But I doubt it

Someday the prison walls will fall
Crumble around us prisoners of love
Make us drop to the ground
And praise the Good Lord
But I doubt it

Sometime in the future this ship
Will find dry land and go to port
I'll be on dry ground for once
My hopes will be fulfilled
But I doubt it

Haphazard

I need to stop writing
I no longer write out of love
My muse is not happiness,
But anger taking over
Rearing it's ugly head
And I am all but dead

I can barely put together
A stanza or two
Without thinking of hate
Or reliving old fear
I've done so much to regret
I am forever in your debt

Now the cigarette smoke curls
And I hear the tones of music
It used to make me happy
But no longer can I forget
The things I've said and done
And the women that are gone

Shit.

Simmering in thoughts
Of long forgotten dreams
New aspirations give way
To long tedious reams
Paper and ink cast over the sink
And drippings of coffee
Splattered carelessly

Maybe a muse or perhaps not
I can't stop...

...FUCK.

I'm not in the mood to write.

Fuck it.

In pain.

Feelings of emptiness have become commonplace
I've given up trying to put on a happy face
You no longer speak to me, like all other women
I alienate, I vacate, I fall to my knees in pain.

Thanks

You've only reinforced the evil I already believed women to be.

Drunkkk

I will always have feelings for you.
I think about you and her every day.
But not everything can always be
Perfect for her and perfect for me.

But you have a perfect little life now
With your one true love, apparently.
And I am thankful to be tossed to the side
To lay on the road waiting to die.

I am happy for you and for my little one
Happy that you two can finally be done
With me and with everything I do
I'll be a different man when I come back.

I don't know. I'm tired.

I wish that I could tell you something
That you ain't never heard before
But I am so unoriginal
And I keep trying to think of more

I can't help what I feel for you
Or the things you make me want to do
I can't help these thoughts I know
Can only mean that I love you so

Ugh.

I saw you at the bar tonight. I saw you getting drunker by the minute. You asked me how I'm doing and, because I'm a liar, answered, "Good as always, how about you?" I'm sure you didn't answer. If you did, I don't remember. I love you more than I love myself. I know you're a married woman. I know I am not in your top 20 list of priorities. I know I have more baggage than you could ever put up with. But I wish I could tell you what I wish for on a nightly basis. I don't pray. If prayer worked... life would be completely different... and I might actually not be writing about you. So I wish... it does the same thing as prayer, I just don't have to talk to an imaginary man. I can't ever stop thinking about you. I hate being away from you. I'm starting to hate being around you... not because I don't absolutely adore you, I just know you don't care.

So this is the end of my sad story from tonight I guess. I went over to another tab and forgot I was writing this. You know I'm going to have feelings for you until the day I die. And I am prepared to deal with that.

I love you and good night.

Inalienable Right

A murder of crows flies into the waning sunset
And the casket is stripped of it's old glory
The salute is lacking live rounds for fear
That death would come again to the live one
But the living should be gone in good time
And never will there be another bad rhyme
So stew in the reaping of your life's harvest
While innocent men ruin their lives and fight
For freedom to kill and the right to die
Don't stop a soldier,
a soldier will always prevail.

Pointless

It seems pointless to keep updating this.

No one reads it anyway.

Morning Thoughts

Getting out of bed in the morning seems like such a drag.
Maybe one of these days I'll just lay in bed until I die.
I can't wait until I can just wither away on a mattress.
What fun... oh what fun it will be.

This Is What I Think About

Goldfish swimming in a little ugly pond
Rain drops killing all the ugly little moms
Babies running through the meadow
I can hear the pitter-patter
I can hear the whistle blowing
As the train comes to take me away

Dog food in a bowl waiting on the shelf
Eating mice and bowls of rice is not a living hell
Angels coming for you now
I can hear the wings go
I can hear the swords unsheathe
As the samurai comes to kill me

Ancient mystics sang their songs softly
Druids sacrifice another for their gods
Satan's laughing with delight
I can hear you calling
I can hear you laughing loud
As I fall into a pit and never do return

Hypothalamus helps them to fall asleep and dream
Blue clouds drop over me bringing on white rain
Children bring their guns to school
I can hear them crying
I can hear them aiming down
As I take my last deep breath, don't stop me

I'm Talking About You

Do you read this?
Or do you think of me?
When I'm lonely
in my misery.

Does it get you off to keep me in the dark?

Will you ever
bring me to light?
You could always
give me back my life.

Will anything ever be like it was before?

Why can't you
just talk to me
normally
like it used to be?

Why won't you just leave me for dead?

If I had a wish
I would want you to
accept me and love me.
Just hold me.

Do you even know who I'm talking about right now?

Cry

I cry each and every day
And yet the pain won't go away
Almost fed up with all this shit
I wish these cunts could just quit.



**Author's note: If you just got upset by this... I'm not calling you a cunt. HOLLY! :-P I don't think you're a cunt, it was written about someone else**

Just Some Venting

"And the four right chords can make me cry."
-Third Eye Blind Semi-Charmed Life

Take me home
I don't want to sleep alone
Sleepless nights
Even though I pretend it's alright
I can't help
How I feel
But I think I should
Apologize to you
Why does life have to be so simple
Yet so difficult in its simplicity?
I could fix the situation
With three small words
Or maybe I would destroy a life
With the same three words
I don't know anymore
But I do know
That until I hear otherwise
I'm keeping my thoughts
And my hands
To myself.