Woman.

Never seen
in plain sight
But once again
never had the delight
Of meeting a woman
so cute and bold
One that makes me feel young,
And at the same time old.

Heroin v2.0

The neverending yearning for desire
was lit like an eternal fire
Dripping wax congeals on the floor
Next to my needle and my whore.

I cradle my arm
The blood dripping down
Pooling in my hand.

Cigarette smoke lingers on high
Intertwining with the night sky
The dusky haze that confuses
Day and night rarely loses

But when they do
We all know who's next
The dark figure silently waiting.

This grips me tighter than a vice
The one that kills men and mice
Maybe Steinbeck will be proud
But now I'm left crying loud.

Well... online tests are always fun.
Who'da thunk it?

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	High
Dysthymia:	Slight-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:	Very High
Cyclothymia:	Slight-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	High-Moderate
Postpartum Depression:	N/A

Changes

Feelings change
The once platonic
Sometimes becomes
Romantic
I'm sure no one will read this.
But I need to tell her...
I love her.

Hobbit

Like a kid sister
I feel protective
You should feel love
And not taken advantage of
You might read this one day
You might see my point of view
You might look back
And realize the words I spoke to you
Are only true
No lies, no deception
I pick my words carefully
I measure them
I would never take advantage
For some reason I want the best
For you. I feel like you want me to
To look after you
But not tell you what to do.
And even if you don't
I care about you
I told you to duck from a bullet
You argued with the truth
I speak from my heart
When I speak to you
I need you to
Listen up and take a lesson
From someone who's been
In that position
You might think all is well
And everything might be swell
But good turns bad
And beautiful turns ugly
I want you to have the best
And the best only
So listen to me
When I beg you to leave
Not for my own agenda
I just need you to surrender
Give up and leave him alone
He's bad for you
And in me you always have a home.
Once again I don't love you like that
I don't want a crack at the crack
Or even a pat on the back
I care about you the way a brother would
Which is surprising
Given the current situation
But you may not listen to what you should
Do in your life, you're stubborn as an ox
But you're clever as a fox
And I think you know
Deep down inside
What you got to do

Primal Scream

You promised.
What the fuck?
You dirty bitch
You stupid cunt.
I thought we were
Supposed to grow old
To die side by side
A long long ride
Full of happiness
Full of trust
And forgiveness.
You piss me off,
More than words can express
You get me off
But each day, less and less
I don't even care
I could give two shits
What you think
About me smoking
Or the way I drink.
Fuck you
Burn in hell bitch
I hope you die
And rot in a drainage ditch.

Soliloquy

Where am I?
Am I at peace?
I could never be at peace
With the turmoil that runs
Rampant through my mind,
My soul, and my heart.
If one more thing turns out
The wrong way
I might just fall apart.
But don't worry about me
Not that anyone would
The dark times have passed
As they always do.
And dawn is breaking
As I look out my window
I'm taking it in
And the beauty calms
My quivering heart.

I'm Back!

I just realized that there's about 10 people a day that visit this blog... and 10 is better than 0... so I'm going to start posting again.

I'm excited about it... anyone else?

Done For Now

I can't write anymore because I am unable to think of words strong enough to express the feelings I have for you.

Love isn't a strong enough word to describe how I feel.

Eternity

My hopes and dreams
have come true once again
And now I'm happier
Than I have ever been

I found my angel
The one I've always adored
The one who was thrown
To the side and ignored

She brings a smile
To my weathered face
And I'm happy that she
Has given into love's chase

I'd like to be forgiven
For every time I've denied her name
Each moment that I thought of another
I only brought myself more shame

Now I've faced the truth
I know that I'll be happy with life
No more fighting, no more pain
Only happiness and joy with my future wife.

White Lilies

White lilies
I remember everything
Your scent
You were my everything
If only you knew
What had become
Of me and you
Dark chocolate
And cigarette kisses
AFI and painting
Pictures in the park
Shows after dark
Sneaking around
And now I'm left
Nothing to do but yearn
Nothing to do but learn
From my mistakes and try
To figure out what
I did wrong and why
You rarely even talk
When we talk it's nothing
What happened to
The old times when
It was just lilies
And dark chocolate
With cigarette kisses

God

I remember when we were young
Children, playing in the sun.

A woman told us to have faith
That was enough to keep us saved.

And as we all got older
Our hearts became colder.

I don't know how a God could let
Any of this happen, all my regret.

I can't see you, you don't exist
Why would you let a friend cut their wrist?

Does no one else see the sick joke?
Does anyone else want to smoke?
Does anyone else want to drink?

Does anyone else want to be free enough to have a brain and think?

Better Man

If I was a better man
I wouldn't feel fear
If I was a better man
I wouldn't feel sad
If I was a better man
I wouldn't feel meek
If I was a better man
I wouldn't feel like crying

If I was a better man
I would feel anger
If I was a better man
I would feel strength
If I was a better man
I would feel like one
If I was a better man
I wouldn't feel like crying

After All We've Been Through

How can you think I don't love you
After all we've been through?
How can you think I sleep at night
After all we've been through?
How can you think I live in peace
After all we've been through?

There's something to be said
For lives intertwined and lost.
There's something to be said
For times full of empathy and reason.
There's something to be said
For episodes of sub-psychotic rage.

And now I'm lonelier than ever
Just sitting around writing in remorse.
And now I'm only go through the motions
Just sitting around writing in remorse.
And now I'm broken and I'll never be whole
Just sitting around writing in remorse.

Night

Black clouds
On the grey sky
Street lights
Burned out
Trees dying
Waste of light
Waste of life
Electricity
Catharsis
In the minds eye
It thwarts us