Never

Never wage war against a master.
The student will never surpass.

Sleep

Can I sleep
Without chemicals coursing
Through my veins
And my intentional stupor
Fogging my brain
For days at a time?
Can I finally
Get some rest tonight
So that I can maybe
Feel alright
Without the pain
Of being awake?
I may have committed
A dire mistake
But it will keep me up
No matter if it's early or late.
I think about it
Night and day
I need an escape
From this waking death.
I might never
Get another breath
And if I don't
I will probably choke
On my own vomit
Thanks to the chemical
Coma I've forced myself
Under to a place
Where I can't get off
The drugs.

No Rhyme or Reason

And one more time again
I got home from work
What a long time it's been
Since I felt this lurk
This emotion of mine, I can not hide

I couldn't possibly be
Good enough for you, my love
But you're too good for me
And what I am afraid of
Is losing you and feeling empty inside

Mi Corazon

Por mi amor:

Mi corazon late por ti.
Te necesito cerca de mi.
Deseo que me ames demasiado,
La especial manera de que te amo.

You Make Me Feel (Work in Progress)

You make me feel
Like only drugs have
When I see you smile
When I hear you laugh
I get higher than
Any pill ever can
Make me.

You make me feel
Like only liquor does
When I see you smile
When I hear you laugh
I get more of a buzz than
Any beer ever can
Make me.

What if...

If I could,
Then I would.
But I can't,
And I shan't.
What would happen
If I did?
Although I know
HE would forbid.

Letters

Letters to you
Will never reach
Their destination.
I throw them out
After a brief
moment of hesitation.

Gotta Get Away In My Head

Yo, listen the fuck up
Shut up, gimme a minute
Lemme explain my method
I may be hypothetical
At times, I may be cynical
Not every word I write
Needs to be taken as the literal
Figuratively speaking
I may speak figuratively
Maybe when I write
It's a metaphor
For other situations
going on in my life
I don't need to take your shit
Just because you can't admit
That I can make an analogy
To something that may have happened to me
Ten years ago, or even ten minutes
Honestly, what the fuck is the difference?
It's all in the past
Or it's all in my head
I just hope I get to write
So there's something left
When I'm dead
Most of this I just make up
Because it makes me feel good
To think a new life up
I hate where I am right now
I need an escape, somewhere somehow
This is all I know how to do
But somehow you've made it up to you
To destroy the last thing I can do
To get an escape, to get away from you.

Proof

I don't know
How one person could make another
Feel so at home so far away
And I feel I have so much to say
Just no way to say it
There's no way for you to know
How much I love you
No way for me to show
How far I would go to prove
My love to you is true.

My Head, Your Shoulder

As I lay here
My head resting on you
The soft white skin
Of your shoulder
Rubs against my
Five o'clock shadow
And the smell of your hair
Makes me think
Of a spring night
With the moon high
And the fireflies lit
I could rest forever
With my head on your shoulder

I Cherish Her Every Lasting Second

Driving 100 kilometers to nowhere
Is sometimes the journey to an end
Not a physical end but an emotion
One massive in longing and devotion

It can be easy to break a bond
But difficult to band together
I might live like a sinner but I tried damn hard
To live like a saint and let down my guard

Forgiveness comes easy when you love
But love never forgets your regrets
Never lets go of your debts or silly bets
Love might die but it will always win

Along with sin and debt and taxes
Love will kill you from the inside out
But I hope you will be different
I hope you can make me forget my travesties

Because when I see your eyes shine bright
I see the sunlight that I missed for years
Shining on my guilty face as I hope
That I can find some kind of dope

I need it to kill the demons inside of me
And to stay out of the mental penitentiary
I need it to stay sane while I search
Because I gave up and I'll never go back church

But you can be my savior
My messiah that saves me from my shit
I won't ever look back if you just sit
Sit with me, hold my hand... I won't look back

And my knees will be too weak to stand.
There won't be anywhere for me to run to
Because I'm running to your arms and I can feel
That the love I feel is very real

Nothing platonic, nothing of the sort
I'm changing back to my last resort
I need the drinks to help me cope
When I see your face floating above your coat

Your beautiful eyes remind me of times
That I couldn't see anything but pure beauty
The innocence on those parted lips brings back
Times when I thought I would cry or even die

Too beautiful for your own good
You get into trouble like I knew you would
I would never take my heart back from you
Because I cherish you... and I miss you too.

Anthology To My Heart

I scribble my hopes
Aspirations and doubts
In this notebook
It's an open door
To the pain in my soul
The love in my heart
The dread in my mind
I can't help it
It's almost an addiction
The smell of ink on paper
Separates the geniuses
From the bittersweet fools
Like you and me
And though I may
Never be Poe or Thoreau
I can still leave
An anthology to my heart

Creating Love Wherever

Our lips met
But I pretended not to notice
You're disregarded
Though I know you're a blue lotus
You gave birth to the sun
It's the only way
You could capture so much beauty
Without giving any away
Between the smoke
And the alcohol
I felt my hand reach
Try to touch yours
You have so much to teach
That fell on deaf ears, he ignores
Interlocked arms
On the snow-covered roads
Nat King Cole
Mixed with lime and SoCo
It's a brand new day
I've said what I had to say
But if it was any other way
You'd be in my arms today.
My heart lifts up
And my sorrow disappears
The sadness has been building
Behind all these tears
I can't help but to be happy
Whenever you are near.
I could never have any fear
When I'm with you, my dear.

Waking Up Every Morning

Not a day goes by
That I don't
consider leaving
Too narcissistic to
Ever let myself
stop breathing
So it's not
really a threat
I just regret
Waking up
Every morning.

Fake

We had a relationship built on chemicals
We started everything based on being high
I may have loved you, I may have not
But one thing that helped was the drugs.
If I was happy from doing coke
Snorting Valium and smoking dope,
If I was happy from tripping balls
Snorting codeine and Vic and smack,
Then how could I just stop and conform
To a life in hell, a life in uniform?
I got the easiest job I could
To pay the bills and feed you good
The easy path turned me from bad
To worse and I lost all that I had.
Not a day goes by that I don't sit and cry
Not a day goes by that I don't ask myself "Why?"
I would never say our love was fake
But I think you made a huge mistake
You chose this burned out hippie fuck
A stupid move, it was your bad luck
I'm not trying to shift the blame
I know I fucked up, it'll never be the same
And that I think, is a fucking shame
But it was my own fault for not being right
My own fault for losing sight
Of what was important to me in my life
I hurt myself and my beautiful wife.
But I'm just a piece of shit...
...I told you this, but I wouldn't let you quit.