Better Man

If I was a better man
I wouldn't feel fear
If I was a better man
I wouldn't feel sad
If I was a better man
I wouldn't feel meek
If I was a better man
I wouldn't feel like crying

If I was a better man
I would feel anger
If I was a better man
I would feel strength
If I was a better man
I would feel like one
If I was a better man
I wouldn't feel like crying

After All We've Been Through

How can you think I don't love you
After all we've been through?
How can you think I sleep at night
After all we've been through?
How can you think I live in peace
After all we've been through?

There's something to be said
For lives intertwined and lost.
There's something to be said
For times full of empathy and reason.
There's something to be said
For episodes of sub-psychotic rage.

And now I'm lonelier than ever
Just sitting around writing in remorse.
And now I'm only go through the motions
Just sitting around writing in remorse.
And now I'm broken and I'll never be whole
Just sitting around writing in remorse.

Night

Black clouds
On the grey sky
Street lights
Burned out
Trees dying
Waste of light
Waste of life
Electricity
Catharsis
In the minds eye
It thwarts us

Truth

New relationships breed hate
Tying nooses to love another
Loading guns to kiss another
Buying drugs to fuck another

Old relationships breed lies
Everything is alright
Everything is normal
Everything is great

Fulfillment

drink
        smoke
                  fuck <--> HEDONIST
        smoke
drink

Somotalita

i might be losing it

         i hate the clown inside

if i snap tomorrow

                i want it documented

that i tried

     i tried too hard

          and then gave up

to live another life

I doubt it.

"He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger"
-Brad Paisley

I've found myself lost in despair
Forlorn, forgotten, and forgone
Maybe one day the chains will break
And I will be set free
But I doubt it

Someday the prison walls will fall
Crumble around us prisoners of love
Make us drop to the ground
And praise the Good Lord
But I doubt it

Sometime in the future this ship
Will find dry land and go to port
I'll be on dry ground for once
My hopes will be fulfilled
But I doubt it

Haphazard

I need to stop writing
I no longer write out of love
My muse is not happiness,
But anger taking over
Rearing it's ugly head
And I am all but dead

I can barely put together
A stanza or two
Without thinking of hate
Or reliving old fear
I've done so much to regret
I am forever in your debt

Now the cigarette smoke curls
And I hear the tones of music
It used to make me happy
But no longer can I forget
The things I've said and done
And the women that are gone

Shit.

Simmering in thoughts
Of long forgotten dreams
New aspirations give way
To long tedious reams
Paper and ink cast over the sink
And drippings of coffee
Splattered carelessly

Maybe a muse or perhaps not
I can't stop...

...FUCK.

I'm not in the mood to write.

Fuck it.

In pain.

Feelings of emptiness have become commonplace
I've given up trying to put on a happy face
You no longer speak to me, like all other women
I alienate, I vacate, I fall to my knees in pain.

Thanks

You've only reinforced the evil I already believed women to be.