Haphazard

I need to stop writing
I no longer write out of love
My muse is not happiness,
But anger taking over
Rearing it's ugly head
And I am all but dead

I can barely put together
A stanza or two
Without thinking of hate
Or reliving old fear
I've done so much to regret
I am forever in your debt

Now the cigarette smoke curls
And I hear the tones of music
It used to make me happy
But no longer can I forget
The things I've said and done
And the women that are gone