This Is What I Think About

Goldfish swimming in a little ugly pond
Rain drops killing all the ugly little moms
Babies running through the meadow
I can hear the pitter-patter
I can hear the whistle blowing
As the train comes to take me away

Dog food in a bowl waiting on the shelf
Eating mice and bowls of rice is not a living hell
Angels coming for you now
I can hear the wings go
I can hear the swords unsheathe
As the samurai comes to kill me

Ancient mystics sang their songs softly
Druids sacrifice another for their gods
Satan's laughing with delight
I can hear you calling
I can hear you laughing loud
As I fall into a pit and never do return

Hypothalamus helps them to fall asleep and dream
Blue clouds drop over me bringing on white rain
Children bring their guns to school
I can hear them crying
I can hear them aiming down
As I take my last deep breath, don't stop me

I'm Talking About You

Do you read this?
Or do you think of me?
When I'm lonely
in my misery.

Does it get you off to keep me in the dark?

Will you ever
bring me to light?
You could always
give me back my life.

Will anything ever be like it was before?

Why can't you
just talk to me
normally
like it used to be?

Why won't you just leave me for dead?

If I had a wish
I would want you to
accept me and love me.
Just hold me.

Do you even know who I'm talking about right now?

Cry

I cry each and every day
And yet the pain won't go away
Almost fed up with all this shit
I wish these cunts could just quit.



**Author's note: If you just got upset by this... I'm not calling you a cunt. HOLLY! :-P I don't think you're a cunt, it was written about someone else**

Just Some Venting

"And the four right chords can make me cry."
-Third Eye Blind Semi-Charmed Life

Take me home
I don't want to sleep alone
Sleepless nights
Even though I pretend it's alright
I can't help
How I feel
But I think I should
Apologize to you
Why does life have to be so simple
Yet so difficult in its simplicity?
I could fix the situation
With three small words
Or maybe I would destroy a life
With the same three words
I don't know anymore
But I do know
That until I hear otherwise
I'm keeping my thoughts
And my hands
To myself.

The Angel You Are

**Author note: I actually spent some time on this one... revised it a little bit... it wasn't off the top of my head like most of my writing.**

I seem to have aged years in the past seven days
Although, I have learned what it is to love,
And I've seen what it's like to have a lack thereof.
Just like the wise man always says:
"It's better to have loved and lost
Than to have never loved before."
But the wise old man never had to pay the cost
of hearing the slam of a closing door.
The door that locks out the heart of a woman,
It closes out all the things that could have been.
I thought it might have been different with you
But I guess he saved his prize. You'll never have to
Be treated like the angel you are.

Over

Anything I wanted
Is as well as over
It will never happen
I know that now.

Why I'm Drunk

I'm sitting in my room.
Drinking liquor straight.
The drunker I get the easier it is.
I hate myself most days.
But when I'm drunk I love who I am.
I love being happy.
I love being carefree.
I love being drunk.
Because that's what it does for me.

"Somebody" - Depeche Mode

Tired Of Being Drunk And Pissed Off

Tired
Drunk
Pissed off.

I wish it was different
I wish you knew what I do
I wish you could tell
That I would take a bullet for you

This shit isn't even going to make sense
But I don't really give a shit anymore
All I want is you in my arms
Instead of hiding behind closed doors

Yearning never did me any good
Not only have I lost, but I never won
There's always been a lot of women
But you're the only one.

The only one that actually matters
The only one I don't want to drown
Leaving my heart in rags and tatters
I fell a long way when I fell down

I fell hard and I fell fast
But hypothetical will never last
I just wish my whole life was different
But I'd die if you were never in it

On occasion I think of my own mortality
And in a different situation I might be
Grateful for life, and not waiting for death
But I don't really care if I take another breath

And as you read through this
Don't ever think I would dismiss
My beautiful daughter, she just will never
Know who I am, but I'll love her forever

I'm not being selfish, you're just the only one
The only person I can see, the one who takes my life
Not in a physical way, but more emotional
The devotion sticks in my ribs like a knife.

I know I'm going to die alone.
I've come to accept it.
I'll never be with you.
I just have to accept it.

First, probably the last.

Discretion is paramount to success
And although it may never happen again
I cherish it for what it was
And I will remember it always.

I Am Alone

I am alone.
Lost and cold.
I am alone.
No one here but me.

I am alone.
I have nobody.
I am alone.
Nobody here to love.

Beyla

Everything I want to tell you
Everything you will be put through
This world is crazy, it's pretty insane
With the snow and the ice and constant rain
The clouds bleed blood and birds just die
For no apparent reason, they fall from the sky

Violence erupts from coast to coast
All four corners of this planet three
Presidents boast, celebrities toast
But no one knows the same pain as me

My daughter, you will have trials
With pain and laughter and great denials
And if I can not be there to see you
Then I know someone who will help you through

Through the pain and the debt
Through the sadness and regret
The world is coming to an end
And this is all that I can send

I can only teach you a thing or two
Love all you can, when you're sad be blue
Happiness will come to a girl like you
Every emotion is important, feel them through

Disregard what people say
Go against the status quo
Life's too short for their way
I'm not smart, but this I know

You are perfect in every way
And I miss you every day
But there's one more thing
I need to say

I won't say don't go to bed mad
I won't say not to make others sad
I want you to live for you
Fuck other people, do what you do

If anyone ever tells you "You're wrong"
Give them a hug and sing them a song
Tell them why you do what you do
Your father approves, that's all you can do

Now for the last thing I need to tell you
I love you dearly, I'll never forget you
And if you someday read this in a book
Tell your friends its about you, let 'em have a look

Never

Never wage war against a master.
The student will never surpass.

Sleep

Can I sleep
Without chemicals coursing
Through my veins
And my intentional stupor
Fogging my brain
For days at a time?
Can I finally
Get some rest tonight
So that I can maybe
Feel alright
Without the pain
Of being awake?
I may have committed
A dire mistake
But it will keep me up
No matter if it's early or late.
I think about it
Night and day
I need an escape
From this waking death.
I might never
Get another breath
And if I don't
I will probably choke
On my own vomit
Thanks to the chemical
Coma I've forced myself
Under to a place
Where I can't get off
The drugs.

No Rhyme or Reason

And one more time again
I got home from work
What a long time it's been
Since I felt this lurk
This emotion of mine, I can not hide

I couldn't possibly be
Good enough for you, my love
But you're too good for me
And what I am afraid of
Is losing you and feeling empty inside